i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
