I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
