I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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