Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
