So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
