dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
