booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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