my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize