i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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