I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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