I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
