everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
