Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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