how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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