So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The power of my boobs compel you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
