there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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