Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Come on in and take your pants off
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