I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
