So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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