I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
