Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
