i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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