He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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