there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
