So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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