It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats