I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD