The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick