So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City