can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize