dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need a beard to bite.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
