they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
