i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Found the puke drawer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?