Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon