Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
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i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...