Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.