my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
