we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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