I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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