I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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