Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
