I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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