can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There's even glitter on my cock...
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