nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
