How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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