please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize