Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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