your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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