I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i love accidental penises.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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