god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize