I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
