I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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