So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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