can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize