oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
