I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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